Grief: It Sucks!

Grief is sad, lonely, miserable and filled with loss, anxiety and a plethora of other emotions.  It can be so overwhelming it’s suffocating.  How do you get through life without your loved one?  I do not have any magic words or a magic wand to make the pain go away or even make the pain more bearable.  It’s hard to move forward when you miss the person so much and everything you see, smell and hear reminds you of them.   Some days it may be difficult to get out of bed and start your day while feeling deep loss.  Think about your loved one and what they would want for you and your life: would they want you to be happy?  To live again? To do the things that make you, YOU?  My guess is yes.  They would want you to find your way out of the pain and darkness.

There is no timeline or “right” way to grieve.  Grief is different for everyone, just like love is different for everyone.  Sometimes, it is hard to feel such a deep loss and function throughout your day.  When you are having bad days, reach out to your support system, the people who love you, who make you laugh – even when laughing is the last thing you want to do, sometimes that is when you need it the most.  It is important to feel your emotions, even though they may be excruciating.  Grieving is not about “getting over” the loss, it is about feeling and processing the loss and learning to live without your loved one. 

Some people find that getting back into their daily routine can help them manage their feelings a little better.  They find that structure helps with the day to day grief.   Here are some simple things you can do to help with the grieving process (in no particular order):
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1.  Memory box:  Make a memory box of things that remind you of them, such as pictures, trinkets, personal items, songs. 
2. Write letters:  Write your loved one a letter with everything you are feeling.  Write what you miss most about them, tell them how you are doing, tell them anything you didn’t have the chance to say before they were gone.  Tell them whatever comes to your mind, don’t edit yourself.  Put the letters in the memory box.
3. Do something for you:  Do something you love to do, something that brings you joy, whether that is picking up a musical instrument, writing a poem or planting in the garden.  
4. Dinner:  have dinner with other people who are experiencing the loss of your loved one.  Talk about your favorite memory or story, share how you met. 
5.  Let yourself cry:  It is okay to cry, especially when you are experiencing the deep pain of loss.          

Grief is hard, personal and unique to each person experiencing it.  If you have the tendency to isolate when times are tough, reach out to your support system as they love you and are there for you. 
 
Disclaimer:  This blog is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for diagnosis, treatment or therapy.        

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